Banana Boat Stands By Deadly Lies

Sunscreen ads are hitting the airwaves! It’s still Spring, but the sun’s rays are as direct and dangerous in May as they are in July. As the most common form of cancer, skin cancer is a danger to all humans, not just gingers. Even when we slap on the strongest sunscreen available, we are still at… Continue reading Banana Boat Stands By Deadly Lies

Self-Delusion Trumps Physics?

Last night I was watching Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part I, when this commercial hit me upside the head: First thing you should know: I hate ostriches. You can tell by their eyes they are always planning something sinister. But this ad swept me up in its story. The vicious, thieving ostrich is pacified by brain-melting… Continue reading Self-Delusion Trumps Physics?

Proper Hydration Is The Enemy Of Intoxication

As we approach May, there are a few 2017 Super Bowl commercials still making the rounds. It’s no surprise the New World Order has chosen to keep this Michelob Ultra Light commercial running: The message to accept of our gray, grimy dystopia resonates deeply. Accept your dehumanization and Michelob will give relief from the dungeon, from the gauntlet… Continue reading Proper Hydration Is The Enemy Of Intoxication

New Experiences Help Loser Move On From Failed Relationship

I’ve been following the ad campaign featuring Can You Hear Me Now Guy closely. See here and here. I was starting to worry CYHMNG had lost his sense of self in his despondency over data plans, allowing his hatred to consume and define his very existence. Thankfully, it looks like CYHMNG is re-centering himself. I don’t know what self-help… Continue reading New Experiences Help Loser Move On From Failed Relationship

Buick Trivializes Child Abuse

The horrors of football-related chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) have been known for a long time. A really, really long time, if you’re Roger Goodell. We know the developing brains of children have highest risk of permanent damage from head injuries, even sub-concussive blows.   So why is Buick trying to make the sick child abuse known as Pee… Continue reading Buick Trivializes Child Abuse

Drugs, Alcohol, Lies

Yep, this makes me want to drink hard liquor. And cheat on my spouse conscience-free because they shouldn’t have lied.   Besides triggering a yearning for Everclear-soaked fruit and slutty wives, there are some deeper, creepier messages here. You don’t need to put on Rowdy Roddy Piper’s glasses to recognize them: distrust, deception, addiction, revenge, jealousy, resentment… hate.… Continue reading Drugs, Alcohol, Lies

Deranged Stalker Causes Public Disruption

I’ve already talked about  Can You Hear Me Now Guy’s return to the spotlight. Verizon (or is it Sprint?) has now taken everything good about their original commercial and shit on it while amping up the already shitty aspects.   Whoa! It was cute when they hijacked CYHMNG, but the campaign has crossed into scary territory. Sprint… Continue reading Deranged Stalker Causes Public Disruption