Banana Boat Stands By Deadly Lies

Sunscreen ads are hitting the airwaves! It’s still Spring, but the sun’s rays are as direct and dangerous in May as they are in July. As the most common form of cancer, skin cancer is a danger to all humans, not just gingers. Even when we slap on the strongest sunscreen available, we are still at risk!

Instead of educating and protecting us from deadly UV rays, Banana Boat Sunscreen would like to lull us into a false sense of security:

The most disingenuous thing about this ad is how Banana Boat avoids the FDA-banned word “waterproof” while using visuals and code words to maliciously insinuate their sunscreen is in fact waterproof.

Let’s look at the “7 Conditions” Banana Boat is touting.

1) The Ocean. The ocean is not a condition. Notice they don’t say anything about being in the ocean.

2) The Sun. Also not a condition. Sunny is a weather condition, but that’s not what they said. And should a sunscreen be so proud of working in the sun? Sounds like the Banana Bitches are padding their list.

3) In The Pool. More of a place than a condition, and not terribly different than the ocean. They even specify their product works in the pool while showing a kid fully submersed. I was ready to fire up a new class action lawsuit against these callous liars, but I noticed there is a lady floating on the water in the pool. So, mom’s sunscreen layer is safe and intact and the kid is going to have second degree burns. Yay Banana Boat.

4) 100 degree heat. This product designed to work in the summer, in the sun, also works when it’s hot. Are we supposed to think the competition is only good up to 70 degrees? I know Banana Boat isn’t trying to tell us their product is “sweat proof” because that would be a misleading statement with potentially fatal consequences.

#5-#7 ????????? Probably something like “table!” “basement!” and “Harry Belafonte”.

At the end of the day, Banana Boat is relying on the weasel words, “stays on”. You can oil me up in anything and if I jump in the ocean, some of it will “stay on”. “Staying on” is an unregulated bar that can be set as low as Banana Boat wants. Deadly consequences mean nothing to these merchants of lies.

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