Proper Hydration Is The Enemy Of Intoxication

As we approach May, there are a few 2017 Super Bowl commercials still making the rounds.

It’s no surprise the New World Order has chosen to keep this Michelob Ultra Light commercial running:

The message to accept of our gray, grimy dystopia resonates deeply. Accept your dehumanization and Michelob will give relief from the dungeon, from the gauntlet of physical jerks and routine pains that strip away our individuality! You can feel better than the ants and termites slaving beneath the ground, if only for 12 ounces.

We have soma Michelob Ultra Light!

Who wouldn’t want to squat on an oily concrete floor and swig piss water in the shadows? You’re among friends!

The immediate reaction may be to say, “Hey, athletes and self-absorbed gym rats don’t drink beer!” That is wrong. A truer statement would be, “Serious athletes and seriously self-absorbed gym rats don’t drink beer.” But the ad isn’t for them… It’s to reinforce the behaviors of non-athletes and slobs who workout for thirty minutes to justify drinking something they will hate themselves for later.

Fitness enthusiasts who legitimately enjoy catching a post-workout buzz, who are free from the image consciousness and self-loathing being pushed here, would never choose Michelob Ultra Light. Maaaaaaybe Michelob Golden Light.

On a positive note, all the athletes getting shitfaced outdoors are using aluminum containers.

 

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