The Big Game Is On Commercial Break? Blame ExxonMobil.

The corrupt bastards at the NCAA have allowed time for so many commercials during March Madness that even with four games on at once, there are long periods when all four channels are on commercial break simultaneously. I just wanted to point out how greedy those sons of bitches are.

ExxonMobil has turned these game breaks in a battlefield, firing volleys in the never ending propaganda war against the eco-terrorists.

What do we learn from this? Exxon hires a lot of hot chicks. Seriously, no uggos, please. Even the additional jobs supported by the energy industry are to be filled by eights or higher.

The music lets us know that Exxon employees are hardworking, team-oriented people who are completely fulfilled by their meaningful jobs. They probably also drive better cars than you and have no skin diseases. How do you feel about yourself now, fatty?

They even threw in a civil engineer to remind you of the time Exxon was granted eminent domain to build a pipeline through your house.

Finally, we learn that fracking is The Way Forward. Anyone who stands in The Way threatens The Harmony. Do you want babies to die in house fires, you liberal sickos? When you oppose ExxonMobil (pbuh), you put vegan chefs out on the street, hippies! We’re trying to kill coal here, you eco-idiots!

Unfortunately for Exxon, the spot wraps up on a rather sad note with the uninspired recycling of the “Yadayada lives here” tagline . Might have been cool in 2013.

The battle rages on…



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